Inside my head

It’s my first time here and frankly I’m here to write . Inside my head there are many questions of how did I get to the state I’m in right now . Why does it feel cold and lonely in my shell . Why in my 20’s I have no friends . Why I can’t get over loss . And where would that lead to ? I know I’m shaping my personality in this age . And I fear that I’m growing to be an old soul. I know I’m not as bright as I used to be . I know my vibes are not as visible as they used to be . I need human interaction . I crave talking and it feels like I’ve been silent for too long I forgot how to speake to ppl , I forgot my sense of humor I forgot how to pass the days with energy and vision for the future . And to be honest I feel like it’s lame to ask these questions now , I mean I’ve been here before built good circles I did my best to keep them alive , yet again it’s not enough , I’m back at ground zero , I mean is this what happens to you when you get hurt ? Is that it ? is this the process and I’m just too blinded by irrelevant thoughts , somebody tell me how did I turn from being sociable, smiley ,light and naive into this awkward paranoid heavy person . I used to fight awkwardness , I used to meet and trust and that shattered after I got hurt by too many of my closed circle and it’s just hard to build another one . I thought it would be really easy and reality took me by surprise no it’s just not , sth inside is broke and I’m too alarmed to go on without fixing it .